Lifestyle

GETTING into a tub of tepid water with another human being always results in  disappointment, a couple have confirmed.

A MAN doing that balancing thing on his bike at the traffic lights does not want you to look at him because he is ‘doing it for practical reasons’.

A GROUP of middle class students are terribly excited to 'do' some weed, it has been confirmed.

A TWAT has announced that a single day is not enough for his birthday.

Splaintard: Someone who explains something in a way that makes it clear that they themselves do not understand it because they’re stupid.

A WOMAN who liberally douses herself in awful perfume is leaving an invasive trail of scent on everyone she touches, it has emerged.

A RECORD collector who sees a noticeable difference between 'Near Mint' and 'Very Good' is destined to always be alone, it has been confirmed.

A VEGAN birthday cake is just a pile of flour tinged with disappointment and sadness, it has been confirmed.

EXPENSIVE technical wear has turned mild-mannered ramblers into delusional maniacs unable to tell the difference between good and bad, it has been confirmed.

A WOMAN has unveiled plans to spend a delightful weekend curled up in an armchair reading a massive book about shagging.