Lifestyle

ARTISAN gin manufacturers have no idea if there are any palatable flavours left, they have admitted.

A WOMAN has diligently kept her colleagues updated on the exact number of minutes of sleep she is getting each night.

A MAN wearing chinos must somehow be unaware of all the other kinds of trousers in the world, it has been claimed.

THE owner of an 11ft long killer snake can not foresee any situation where his beloved pet causes him or anyone else any problems.

THE Magic Mike Live stage show has opened a hen party hellmouth in London.

A MAN'S 'signature dish' is actually his only dish, it has been confirmed.

THE UK has begun its annual search for a warm hat that does not make it look like a complete and utter tosser.

BEING a Pagan who frolicks naked in the woods is much better than being a capitalist pig, experts have confirmed.

A COUPLE who are doing their Christmas shopping at independent retailers instead of buying the same stuff cheaper online have been told to f*ck off.

A WOMAN will not put McDonald's food in her mouth but will put actual bleach on her anus, she has confirmed.