Today the Mash has a question for Britain’s babies in hats: Why DO you hate our country, its history, culture and the people’s sense of identity?

YOU see them everywhere. Mewling, crying, red-faced with rage at the brave few who stand up to defend this country’s values.

The NME remembered, by various wankers

YESTERDAY the New Musical Express announced it was scrapping its print edition after 66 years. We asked various bellends to share their memories of the legendary publication.

Man absolutely livid about news he’s made up

A MAN is regularly furious about news stories that he has invented himself based on a misapprehension of the facts, it has emerged.

Express readers to discover incredible world beyond weather

READERS of the Daily Express are to be introduced to a strange new world of news that is not about the weather. 

Trump's Fake News Awards to be hosted by Mick Fleetwood and Samantha Fox

DONALD Trump has confirmed the inaugural Fake News Awards will be hosted by drummer Mick Fleetwood and former Page 3 model Samantha Fox.

Tough new Guardian masthead 'wondering why it’s next to all this hippy bullshit'

THE Guardian’s new, no-nonsense masthead is puzzled as to why it is ‘sitting on top of a lot of namby-pamby bollocks’.

Dacre ‘proud of himself’ for trousering half a million in EU subsidies while branding people traitors

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has confirmed he is very proud of himself for taking £460,000 from the EU while branding remain voters as traitors.

‘PROUD OF YOURSELVES?’ shouts Daily Mail editor at ducks in park

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has asked ducks in his local park if they are proud of themselves for increasing the possibility of a Marxist in number 10.

Daily Telegraph offers bounty for Brexit mutineers

THE Daily Telegraph has placed a £10,000 bounty on the heads of 15 Conservative MPs who have dared defy the glory of Brexit. 

Radio One breakfast show losing listeners to static

HALF-A-MILLION listeners have ditched Nick Grimshaw’s Radio 1 breakfast show in favour of tuning their radio to white noise.