Even funny pie stories now ending in abject misery

EVEN funny stories about a fat man eating a pie now end in the ruination of everyone involved, it has been confirmed.

Judges 'undermining the constitutional role of tabloids'

BRITAIN’S judiciary is threatening the ancient constitutional position of tabloid newspapers, experts have claimed.

Being a bellend 'is key to Tinder success'

A POPULAR Tinder user has shared advice on being a predictable bellend who just says things other people want to hear.

Man worried he's the last of his friends to have an article in Guardian

A MAN is worried that everyone in his social circle has had an article in the Guardian except him.

New Vogue editor to put more emphasis on air rifles and carp fishing

THE new editor of British Vogue intends to make it the number one magazine for air rifles and carp fishing, he has announced.

‘Fake news’ to be delightful and fun

IF FAKE news is going to be spread anyway it should be about lovely, happy, fluffy things, researchers have proved.

Daily Mail's tree dies within an hour

A CHRISTMAS tree in the Daily Mail newsroom has died within 45 minutes of its arrival.

Daily Mail publishes names of all 3,363 Sleaford Labour voters

THE Daily Mail has published the names of all 3,363 Sleaford Labour voters as part of its ongoing catalogue of enemies of the people.

Woman chooses coffee over safeguarding future of The Guardian

A WOMAN offered the chance to support the Guardian for 'less than the price of a weekly coffee' has chosen the coffee.

People excited about Christmas adverts told about rest of human culture

PEOPLE who cannot wait for big shops' new Christmas TV adverts have been told about books, films and art.