Media

A NEW broadcast of Enoch Powell’s infamous ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech will include his conclusion that everyone should probably ignore him, because he is barking mad.

A MUM has been left wracked with guilt after failing to notice her son had picked up a copy of The Sunday Telegraph.

YOU see them everywhere. Mewling, crying, red-faced with rage at the brave few who stand up to defend this country’s values.

YESTERDAY the New Musical Express announced it was scrapping its print edition after 66 years. We asked various bellends to share their memories of the legendary publication.

A MAN is regularly furious about news stories that he has invented himself based on a misapprehension of the facts, it has emerged.

READERS of the Daily Express are to be introduced to a strange new world of news that is not about the weather. 

DONALD Trump has confirmed the inaugural Fake News Awards will be hosted by drummer Mick Fleetwood and former Page 3 model Samantha Fox.

THE Guardian’s new, no-nonsense masthead is puzzled as to why it is ‘sitting on top of a lot of namby-pamby bollocks’.

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has confirmed he is very proud of himself for taking £460,000 from the EU while branding remain voters as traitors.

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has asked ducks in his local park if they are proud of themselves for increasing the possibility of a Marxist in number 10.