Media

A WOMAN whose favourite television programmes include Hollyoaks and Love Island has claimed she only watches trashy shows for ‘research purposes’.

BUYER WANTED for 29-year-old TV news channel, never watched, pristine condition.

A NEW broadcast of Enoch Powell’s infamous ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech will include his conclusion that everyone should probably ignore him, because he is barking mad.

A MUM has been left wracked with guilt after failing to notice her son had picked up a copy of The Sunday Telegraph.

YOU see them everywhere. Mewling, crying, red-faced with rage at the brave few who stand up to defend this country’s values.

YESTERDAY the New Musical Express announced it was scrapping its print edition after 66 years. We asked various bellends to share their memories of the legendary publication.

A MAN is regularly furious about news stories that he has invented himself based on a misapprehension of the facts, it has emerged.

READERS of the Daily Express are to be introduced to a strange new world of news that is not about the weather. 

DONALD Trump has confirmed the inaugural Fake News Awards will be hosted by drummer Mick Fleetwood and former Page 3 model Samantha Fox.

THE Guardian’s new, no-nonsense masthead is puzzled as to why it is ‘sitting on top of a lot of namby-pamby bollocks’.