Relationships

PETROL stations have stocked up on cheap, manky flowers in time for Valentine's Day.

A FIRST-YEAR student has suddenly realised, mid-term, that everyone he lives with is a total and utter dick.

A MAN does not realise that everything he said on a first date was vetted via text message by a select panel of his date’s friends.

IF you have not yet planned Valentine’s Day for your loved one, you have already fucked up and they will know it, experts have confirmed.

A COUPLE in the final stages of planning a wedding believe it will finally make them attracted to each other.

A MAN who thinks his girlfriend should try a bit harder with her appearance has been wearing the same dreadful T-shirt since he was a teenager.

A COUPLE have decided to ruin their home, the best years of their youth and ultimately their relationship by getting a dog.

A WOMAN who told her friends she ‘doesn’t do gossip’ will not be invited for drinks again, it has been confirmed.

ARE you a rampant stallion in the bedroom, the envy of your neighbours, or has no partner ever found the courage to tell you you’re completely shit?

A WOMAN who has never met her ex’s new partner has managed to accumulate an entire file of detailed information on her.