Relationships

PROPOSING? Why not maximise the humiliation of rejection by asking for her hand in marriage in these locations?

THEIR bedroom was big enough for a settee. Yours was barely big enough for a bed. For that reason, and these, they will never be forgiven.

THINKING of making idle chat? Be careful. If you use any of these phrases, you might inadvertently be asking someone if they’d like to have sex.

YES, I’ve gone up to £16.75, but something else has changed. We used to be so happy together – practically inseparable. Now you’re so distant, and I can’t understand why.

HAS your boyfriend started talking oddly after spending too long on Reddit talking to male arseholes? If he uses these terms, it may be time for a relationship rethink.

NOT having much luck finding love? Here are some brutal dating tips to help you at least get a perfunctory shag.

A WOMAN has introduced an annual performance review for her husband and children, noting that in most areas they are ranked as requiring urgent action for improvement.

A TEENAGE couple have marked their first month together by necking Strongbow in a playground.

FOOD we’ve got covered. Culture is rigidly stratified. But why are there no ways to make love that prove you’re better than the masses?

HAS your daughter brought her boyfriend home? Make sure you grill the f**ker with these questions. You’ll soon prove a toerag like him shouldn’t be anywhere near your special princess.