Relationships

90 per cent of girlfriends' questions not intended to be answered

THE majority of questions asked by girlfriends are thinking out loud and should not be answered, boyfriends have confirmed.

'I was hoping you'd have a lightsaber,' says woman on arriving at date's flat

A WOMAN confirmed that she made the right choice of sexual partner when seeing a replica lightsaber mounted on the wall of his home.

Woman opts for celibacy rather than tidying her room

A WOMAN has decided never to have sex again rather than endure the horror of tidying her bedroom.

Boyfriend thinking of doing stand-up comedy instantly 85% less attractive

THE girlfriend of a man who believes he is funny enough to be a stand-up comedian is considering terminating the relationship immediately.

Best man's speech makes everyone realise groom is genuinely awful person

A BEST man speech has succeeded in turning everyone the groom has ever cared about against him.

2000AD reader ruins date by saying woman looks 'zarjaz'

A MAN has ruined his chance to form a romantic relationship by using an invented slang word to describe his date.

Woman who wants some 'me time' admits she means wanking

A WOMAN who told her boyfriend that she wants some time to ‘recharge her batteries’ has admitted that she just wants to have a wank in peace.

Couple has incredibly boring story about how they met

A COUPLE wrongly believe the mildly complicated way in which they met is an utterly compelling tale.

Woman yet to be told it's weird to be friends with exes

A WOMAN who has stayed in touch with all her ex-boyfriends does not realise it is unnecessary and odd behaviour.

Girlfriend flees scene after doing unflushable poo

A WOMAN has fled her new boyfriend’s house after doing an unflushable poo in his toilet.