Science & Technology

APPLE boss Steve Jobs last night unveiled the new iPhone, insisting there was 'no way' he would launch a better and cheaper version in three months time.

NASA's latest Martian probe last night landed safely on the red planet and issued an immediate call for Gordon Brown to resign.

SCIENTISTS who invented the world's most powerful laser have used it to draw a giant penis on the front of the moon. 

THE Vatican has admitted intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe but that much of it is under the control of protestant denominations.

THE people of the future may be forced to eat real food instead of pills, scientists have claimed.

STOP that right now and go and tidy your room this instant, leading scientists said last night. 

STAR Trek-style teleportation is months away from becoming a scientific reality, the disembodied head of its inventor insisted last night.

BRITAIN'S first hybrid embryo was on the run last night after escaping from its laboratory cage.

SCIENTISTS have started a fresh excavation at Stonehenge in the hope of confirming, once and for all, the ancient monument's complete and utter pointlessness.

BRITAIN'S werewolves have thrown their weight behind the government's plan to legalise terrifying hybrid embryos.