Science & Technology

PAUL Daniels is to explain to the Magic Circle why he did not use conjuring and sorcery to re-attach his severed finger.

THE availability of one-piece romper suits for adult males proves that men are over, it has been claimed.

ONLY private money should pissed away on the Queen's new boat, the government has insisted.

POPE Benedict has explained the hard science behind his theory that gay marriage will cause the destruction of humanity.

THE fundamental wrongness of women has been established beyond doubt.

ARCHAEOLOGISTS working in the Amazon basin have found the remains of a crude car made from dinosaur bones, with stone cylinders for wheels.

THE cancer which claimed Christopher Hitchens was either random or stupid, it has been confirmed.

THE particle named after God last night stressed it was not religious in any way.

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

PLANS to clone a woolly mammoth have been dismissed as incredibly stupid and shit.