Science & Technology

APPLE boss Steve Jobs yesterday unveiled the computer giant's latest eye-catching innovation: one of his shits in a simple white box.

SCIENTISTS in the US last night claimed they had created a ‘supercarrot’ with a top speed of nearly 770 mph.

IN five years time everything you buy will be much smaller and cost a great deal more money, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates has confirmed.

GOOGLE is to create its own internet encyclopaedia in a bid to corner the growing market for online bollocks.

HUMAN evolution is speeding up but most people are still genetically unable to keep their fucking mouths shut while watching a film, scientists said last night.

BRITAIN'S most senior clergymen last night condemned plans to use IVF technology to create gigantic lesbians in test tubes.

GORDON Brown has taken personal charge of the escalating Nintendo Wii crisis which could force millions of British children to play outdoors with real friends this Christmas.

SCIENTISTS do not have the faintest idea about anything anymore and are not even 100% sure of that, they admitted last night. 

CHINA has asserted its growing technological dominance by setting a new record for the speed of light.

THE British version of the Apple iPhone will come with an inbuilt stiff upper lip, a sense of fair play - and racism.