Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS have invented a three-litre electric kettle with limescale filter, single-cup facility and an eight-inch LCD screen showing boiling-hot Amsterdam horse action.

DAMAGE to a Lincolnshire wind farm turbine may not have been caused by aliens, experts claimed last night.

BRITAIN'S poor standards in maths are costing the economy a flabillion and one every year, a new report suggests.

SCIENTISTS who accidentally drilled into a magma chamber under a volcano in Hawaii have broken the planet, it was confirmed last night.

MICROSOFT is to launch a range a range of branded t-shirts that need to be constantly updated, it was announced last night.

WOMEN'S anti-ageing face creams contain up to 98% bullshit, according to a new study.

APPLE has been forced to withdraw its latest iPhone advert because it exaggerates how busy you are and how significant your life is.

THE medical profession faces a new ethical dilemma after scientists raised the prospect of stem cells being used for tomfoolery and high-jinks.

TEENAGE boys are nothing more than younger versions of men, new research suggests. 

MEN'S reactions to anything involving women are astonishingly easy to predict, new research suggests.