Science & Technology

THE people of the future may be forced to eat real food instead of pills, scientists have claimed.

STOP that right now and go and tidy your room this instant, leading scientists said last night. 

STAR Trek-style teleportation is months away from becoming a scientific reality, the disembodied head of its inventor insisted last night.

BRITAIN'S first hybrid embryo was on the run last night after escaping from its laboratory cage.

SCIENTISTS have started a fresh excavation at Stonehenge in the hope of confirming, once and for all, the ancient monument's complete and utter pointlessness.

BRITAIN'S werewolves have thrown their weight behind the government's plan to legalise terrifying hybrid embryos.

PHORM, the internet advertising spy, has been told to 'phuck right off' by a majority of web users.

THE tiny human-like bones found on a South Pacific Island may have belonged to small furry creatures known as 'Ewoks', and not Hobbits as previously thought.

SCIENTISTS engaged in cutting edge bio-genetic research will be condemned to the eighth circle of Hell, surrounded for all time by panderers and seducers, the Vatican said last night.

A TEAM of French scientists is claiming a major breakthrough in the development of a useable type of flubber.