Society

WE'VE seen you many times. A*sing about vaguely on the pavement near a cashpoint machine, all of a sudden wondering why people are glowering at you.

A MAN born in December has been labelled a “selfish a*sehole” by friends, who are forced to celebrate his birthday at the busiest time of year.

ACCORDING to Stanley Johnson, most Britons lack the literacy to spell ‘Pinocchio’. Do you mangle the English language and earn the prime minister’s dad’s contempt?

A DAD putting his toddler to sleep then fell unconscious with a book on his lap for 72 hours, he has admitted.

BORIS Johnson has warned commuters who have to turn tricks to pay for their tickets that there will be more strikes under Labour.

A 42-YEAR-OLD man is raising his son to become a proper twat.

CHILDREN have confirmed that when Granny and Grandad come over to babysit only Granny actually does any work.

THE majority of English people think Scotland is a make-believe land of snow and monsters, it has emerged.

A BARBER was thrown into confusion after a customer indicated they were unhappy with the back of their hair.

A WOMAN has been thrown out of Waitrose by staff and other customers for attempting to use a 'bag for life' from Asda.