Society

A MAN'S neighbours are glad his friend was able to beep his car horn numerous times last night as way of saying goodbye.

A TEENAGER has won a place at a third-rate university with lower grades than any previous member of his family.

PARENTS who are told by experts how to take care of their children have expressed their gratitude and absolutely do want everyone to shut it.

A COUPLE stockpiling food and medicine for post-Brexit Britain are looking less like paranoid nutjobs and more like useful people to be friends with.

ONLY seven percent of state school pupils get into heated arguments about game meats compared to 75 percent of their private school counterparts.

A TEACHER at a comprehensive is starting to doubt whether she even wants to put her dickhead pupils on a path to a brighter future.

MOTHERS have confirmed they will pay anything to get a few hours away from their children each week.

A NO-DEAL Brexit could cause Middlesbrough to experience poverty and a lack of investment that makes it feel even more like Middlesbrough.

A WOMAN who introduced her mother to emojis is beginning to deeply regret it.

A PUB jazz band has confirmed that its next gig will never end.