Society

THE UK is determined to make things so desperate that ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ merchandise is a necessary part of everyday life. 

A TEENAGER has become an object of intense sexual desire since he started riding round his area on an ear-splitting scooter.

UNIVERSITY is no longer a chilled-out haven of drug experimentation and skiving your way through a philosophy degree. See if you would fit in nowadays.

A STATUE of Margaret Thatcher is to be sent far beyond our solar system to protect it from vandalism. 

A WOMAN who is wearing clothes that allow people to see she is pregnant is just flaunting herself, it has been claimed.

A MAN born more than three decades after the Second World War is acting like he flew Spitfires against the Luftwaffe.

A STONER has begun stockpiling the Italian confectionery Kinder Bueno in preparation for a no-deal Brexit.

A WOMAN with an entire table to herself on a train is getting steadily more anxious as passengers file past her.

CHILDREN can construct their own boarded-up UK towns using a new range of themed Lego.

IF you’re a dad with two kids and a semi there aren’t many chances to pretend you're an action hero - but the cold weather changes all that! Here’s what to do.