Society

A SPIRITUAL journey has revealed to a man his totem animal is a lazy sloth that drinks five nights a week and masturbates very frequently.

A SECONDARY school class has tearfully confessed they will never forget Mr Logan, the shit teacher who let them do whatever they wanted.

EXPECTANT mothers who will now have to name their children Archie or Harrison are wishing Meghan had chosen something more normal.

A TRIP to ‘meet’ a friend’s baby actually involved just staring at it, it has emerged.

PUTTING guests up on an inflatable mattress has been proven the most effective way of ensuring nobody stays overnight.

A MAN has been shocked by the realisation that he has two children and a mortgage.

A WOMAN who keeps a framed picture that says ‘Live Laugh Love’ on her office desk confusingly appears to be a right cow.

MONKS have asked why God needs them to make lots of quite strong beer.

A MAN’S elaborate sexual fantasy has become too elaborate to be manageable, he has admitted.

DO you mean what you say on Twitter or are you just writing attention-seeking bollocks in a pathetic attempt to get people to notice you? Here’s how to tell.