Society

ARE you a right-wing bellend who thinks racism against white people is a genuine problem? Here’s how to enjoy a pleasing sense of victimhood.

A TALL man behaves as if his above-average height is some sort of achievement, people have noticed.

A MAN buying a Valentines-themed meal deal in Asda is unlikely to get to use the condoms he’s also purchasing.

A WOMAN who keeps her house clean and tidy has a car like a dustbin, it has emerged.

A WOMAN is finding her latest bout of cystitis is a welcome distraction from Brexit.

A BMW driver has been hospitalised after more than a minute’s exposure to music that was neither classic nor rock. 

RELATIVES of 84-year-old Mary Fisher have given her a ring just to check she hasn't died or anything.

PRINCE Philip has given up his fighter pilot’s license at the relatively young age of 97.

A GROUP of local twats is pissed off with a different group of twats, it has been confirmed.

A COUPLE struggling to find a local school for their son cannot understand why Waitrose does not cater to their needs.