Society

POSH accents on the television, policemen greeting you by name and a cheery tip of the helmet, lovely days out in the Morris Traveller. But do you want Britain to return to its 1950s glory days, or are you some kind of bastard?

A WOMAN whose toddler threw his breakfast at the cat is struggling to tell him off in a constructive way.

CUDDLY toy bears are giving children dangerous misapprehensions about how to approach actual bears, experts believe.

BRITAIN'S babies have pleaded with the rest of the population to stop talking like that.

A MIDDLE class man is weirdly knowledgeable about contemporary gang life, people have noticed.

FOR some mysterious reason, friends who go to Australia often come back a bit racist. Here’s how to help them get back to normal.

A MAN'S neighbours are glad his friend was able to beep his car horn numerous times last night as way of saying goodbye.

A TEENAGER has won a place at a third-rate university with lower grades than any previous member of his family.

PARENTS who are told by experts how to take care of their children have expressed their gratitude and absolutely do want everyone to shut it.

A COUPLE stockpiling food and medicine for post-Brexit Britain are looking less like paranoid nutjobs and more like useful people to be friends with.