Society

A LEARNER driver cannot wait to ditch the bullshit ten-to-two hand position.

BABIES who are ‘teething’ are actually possessed by evil demons sent from hell, experts have confirmed.

DRIVERS should pay for their fuel at the pump, fill up their cars and then get the hell out of there instead of pissing about for fucking ages, Britain has confirmed.

A FATHER believes that his three-year-old son, who watches Japanese cartoons on Netflix and prefers sesame snacks to a Freddo, is a hipster.

A MAN’S belief that the railways should be re-nationalised has been rocked by the inefficiency, rudeness and indifference at his local pool.

TELLING someone their beloved newborn looks like a wrinkled ball sack or Iain Duncan Smith tends not to go down too well. Here are some things to say instead.

A PRETTY woman whose opinions would normally be considered trite or stupid is actually a very deep thinker, male acquaintances agree.

AN increasing number of British adults are wearing mittens.

YOUR feelings about Wotsits are the strongest indicator of your true social class, it has been revealed.

A GIRL was late for school because she insisted she could do her coat up all on her own.