Society

RELATIVES of 84-year-old Mary Fisher have given her a ring just to check she hasn't died or anything.

PRINCE Philip has given up his fighter pilot’s license at the relatively young age of 97.

A GROUP of local twats is pissed off with a different group of twats, it has been confirmed.

A COUPLE struggling to find a local school for their son cannot understand why Waitrose does not cater to their needs.

THE UK is determined to make things so desperate that ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ merchandise is a necessary part of everyday life. 

A TEENAGER has become an object of intense sexual desire since he started riding round his area on an ear-splitting scooter.

UNIVERSITY is no longer a chilled-out haven of drug experimentation and skiving your way through a philosophy degree. See if you would fit in nowadays.

A STATUE of Margaret Thatcher is to be sent far beyond our solar system to protect it from vandalism. 

A WOMAN who is wearing clothes that allow people to see she is pregnant is just flaunting herself, it has been claimed.

A MAN born more than three decades after the Second World War is acting like he flew Spitfires against the Luftwaffe.