Society

A GROWING number of intelligent people have been expelled from the UK for smelling weird and preferring maths to telly.

EVERY single person in Britain is wondering when they can go back to not knowing or caring who or what the DUP is, research has confirmed.

A MUM whose children were about to perform a 'show' in the living room has run off to Spain for the rest of the week.

A MAN is approaching his bank statement as if he were attempting to deactivate a bomb.  

A CHILD in a supermarket would be happier and more successful in later life if they were told to shut the fuck up and behave, shoppers believe.

A MAN has announced that, from now on, people who disagree with him should have the decency to keep it to themselves.

ARE you convinced you’ve got a brilliant parenting style, when really it’s just some bollocks you read in a Sunday supplement? Read our guide and find out.

A REMAINER is convinced Brexit will stop him having an amazing life in a different country even though he is extremely talentless.

ANGRY red-faced men are always criticising ‘snowflakes’ but are surprisingly easily triggered themselves. Why not set them off with these made-up ‘facts’?

A COFFEE shop owner is about to murder the Mac user who has bought one cup of tea in three hours, it has emerged.