Society

TELLING someone their beloved newborn looks like a wrinkled ball sack or Iain Duncan Smith tends not to go down too well. Here are some things to say instead.

A PRETTY woman whose opinions would normally be considered trite or stupid is actually a very deep thinker, male acquaintances agree.

AN increasing number of British adults are wearing mittens.

YOUR feelings about Wotsits are the strongest indicator of your true social class, it has been revealed.

A GIRL was late for school because she insisted she could do her coat up all on her own.

COMMITTED remainers are being lured to the upcoming ‘Festival of Brexit’ after hearing rumours there will be something to eat.

THE new Brexit 50p coin will be a vital weapon against the vermin trying to steal your meagre scraps, it has emerged.

A SCARY pub does karaoke every day from nine in the morning and all the locals seem to love it, it has emerged.

PARENTS who have banned their child from 'screen time' do not realise that they are raising a twat.

WEARING a poppy isn’t just about showing your respect, it’s also a chance for idiots to enjoy feeling furious. Here are some ‘controversies’ to get het up about.