Society

A MAN who nearly reached the top of the London property ladder is back at his parents’ after sliding down an enormous snake.

A PREGNANT woman struggling to deal with the heat is spearheading a ‘Don’t F**k In Autumn’ campaign to save others from suffering like she is.

THE UK is lamenting the start of Crocs season.

A WOMAN is panicking after finding out that her hairdresser is under no legal or ethical obligation to keep their conversations confidential.

A MAN carrying flowers has prompted speculation about whether he is a sensitive romantic or a lying, cheating sack of shit.

A WOMAN who already pressed the crossing button is annoyed at a second woman for pressing it again.

A HIPSTER has disgusted even himself with his latest affectation of smoking a pipe.

A MARRIED couple have admitted their evening out yesterday was a let-down compared to that time in 2005.

AN absolute lad wearing a football shirt thinks some people wearing Harry Potter robes are pathetic, it has been confirmed.

A TEENAGER whose life is a round of computer games and idle internet fixations is oblivious to the Victorian-style workplace hell that awaits him, it has emerged.