Society

A WOMAN does not think her children are destined for greatness and will just be glad if they are not twats.

A STUDENT has announced that she will be spending the next two-and-a-half months completing three full years of work, as planned.

A RECORD number of embarrassed British people are pretending to be foreign.

DICTIONARIES have admitted defeat and announced that from now on ‘lose’ will be spelt ‘loose’.  

THE high price of lattes and mochas is causing Britons to ‘pre-load’ on coffee at home before going to cafes.  

DO you find yourself losing arguments due to being wrong or thick? Just follow our guide and pretend you’ve emerged victorious.  

A FAMILY is trying to work out why none of them want to touch the hard-boiled sweets in a bowl at their gran’s house.

A WOMAN committed to finding a deeper meaning in life does so in extreme luxury with numerous trips to exotic places, it has emerged.

A MAN who covered up the logo on his laptop is definitely sticking it to the man, he has confirmed.

A WOMAN who thought adult life would be exciting spends more time smelling things before putting them in the washing machine than she would like.