Society

A MAN has confirmed that he is still hoping to give up not having sex with anyone for Lent.

A PRIVATELY educated lawyer keeps referring to his partner as ‘the missus’ as if he were a Cockney cab driver.

A NORTHERN man on holiday thinks that ill feeling about the English does not apply to him

A MAN who has never donated money to charity has been proven right by the Oxfam sex scandal, he has confirmed.

A MAN who assumed a magical fairy had been changing the toilet roll was stunned to discover she does not exist.

A SCHOOL’S self-appointed cool teacher is insisting he has no ill feeling whatsoever towards a slightly cooler new teacher.

THE only reason people under 30 use Facebook is to monitor their parents' mid-life crises, it has emerged.

ALMOST every adult is still a little bit afraid the toilet monster might be real, it has been confirmed.

FIRST-time travellers up north will be helped to prepare themselves before leaving the railway station.