Society

91 per cent of fringes regretted immediately

OVER 90 per cent of all fringes are instantly regretted, it has emerged.

Couple who haven't had sex for ages watch love scene in silence

A COUPLE whose love life has waned dramatically have watched a televised sex scene in silence.

Postman pretty sure it's a vibrator

A POSTMAN in Gloucester strongly suspects he is delivering a sex toy.

Family discovers camper van really just a prison cell on wheels

A COUPLE who spent the weekend in a camper van with their children have realised it is basically a punishment cell on wheels.

Everyone hoping cocktail-juggling barman hurts himself

EVERY single person in a cocktail bar is hoping that the cocktail barman hurts himself, it has been revealed.

‘April Fool!’ says Jesus

JESUS has revealed that the whole thing with his betrayal, crucifixion and death was just an elaborate April Fool prank on his disciples.

Everyone excited about what is essentially a chocolate bar plus two other chocolate bars

BRITONS have been thrilled to receive what amounts to three bars’ worth of chocolate.

Gran's 'wise' advice actually total bollocks

A GRANDMOTHER’S advice on everything from cooking to men is complete bollocks, it has emerged.

I was up a f**king cross, not drinking prosecco from Waitrose, says Jesus

JESUS has reminded everyone that his Easter was more about getting crucified than enjoying chocolatey treats.

Dog wondering if he came on too strong by sniffing other dog's arse

A DOG is paranoid that he overstepped the mark by running up to another dog and sniffing its anus.