Society

THE normalisation of the weather has caused an upsurge in verbal twattery, experts have warned.

MOST Britons believe in stupid contradictory bullshit that is impossible to analyse, a survey has found.

MOST Britons cannot possibly have just one drink, researchers have confirmed.

A CAT is incandescent with rage after his finely-honed hunting instincts failed to detect a man walking up behind him.

AN idiot is moments away from placing a glass of red wine on her friend's carpet, it has been confirmed.

A MAN is sure his new relationship will be fine if he simply ignores his partner’s beliefs about reincarnation.

HAVING a big beard and an arm full of tattoos is no longer a sign that you would be handy in a fight.

A MAN who is staying with friends has found himself paralysed by indecision after using the lavatory in the middle of the night.

THE opening of a third bottle of wine is always the point at which everything goes horribly wrong, research has found.

COCKTAILS are nothing more than overpriced bullshit for idiots, cocktail bar staff have confirmed.