Society

A MILLENNIAL has been reduced to a state of panic after discovering he had a voicemail.

BRITONS know that physical activity is good for them but they absolutely cannot be arsed, they have confirmed.

A MAN has become good friends with a female colleague who also happens to be very attractive.

THOUSANDS of uncool GCSE students will be forced to endure an embarrassing meal with their parents, it has emerged.

A BORING couple are constantly buggering about making pointless alterations to their house.

EVEN the hardest of parents are developing a blank gaze during the latter stages of the school holidays, it has emerged.

A MAN who regularly gets into fights while drunk would never get involved with dangerous drugs like cannabis, he has announced.

A NON-WEIRD driving instructor  has been discovered in the UK.

A PROFESSIONAL Northerner's credibility is in tatters after he was caught drinking wine.

A TEENAGER is so talented that going to university would be a waste of time for him, he has announced.