Society

Remember, you don’t have to live on campus. If rent is sky-high near your London university, you can always find a much more affordable place in the Welsh valleys and commute in.

A DELIGHTFUL birthday party enjoyed by a child and his friends totally pissed on all the other kids’ shitty parties, a mother believes.

THE last bit of a sausage has been forced to watch his fellow breakfast ingredients being devoured in front of him.

GETTING ready for a night out is infinitely more fun than going out, scientists have confirmed.

A RACIST grandfather has added casual misogyny to his repertoire, family members have confirmed.

A COMMUTER has finally snapped after years of rail strikes and now believes he is a train.

A PAIR of corporate lawyers are secretly delighted that their son has ignored everything they tell him about sharing his toys.

A KIND, concerned woman spends most of her time telling her friends how tired and shit they look.

TOXIC air is trendy and soon everyone in the provinces will want it, Londoners have been reassured.

A WOMAN cannot understand why her relationships with socially dysfunctional men keep ending in disaster, she has revealed.