Society

AN EMPLOYEE was surprised to receive a formal warning for drinking heavily in a meeting like Sports Direct boss Mike Ashley.

AN OFFICE worker is unable to figure out why he ate a pasty from Greggs for his lunch.

BRISTOL is so overrun by 'relocating' London twats that it might as well just be in London, it has been confirmed.

NURSES are leaving the NHS in record numbers because they are already minted, it has emerged.

A MAN has been lecturing friends about various injustices as though he is the first person to have thought about them, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who just wants attention has described how having a baby made her fanny go weird.

A CHILD'S application to have his drawing pinned to an expensive new fridge has been rejected.

A GROUP of people were able to drink heavily outdoors without stigma by taking a small amount of food and calling it a picnic, they have revealed.

A GROUP of arseholes has announced plans to go the pub where all the arseholes go.

ANYONE aged 30 or over is having difficulty accepting that school leavers now get to go to a big prom, they have confirmed.