Society

A MAN has realised he was singing a sexually explicit song about extreme mental anguish while at work.

BOSSES have confessed that the deadlines they set for nightmare amounts of work are made up at random.

A CHRISTIAN couple have agreed to wait until they are united in holy matrimony before having a threesome.

EVERY single fancy beer just tastes like a different type of metal, it has been confirmed.

A HAIRCUT turned weird and awkward after a barber and a customer failed to have a discussion about football.

A MAN who was asked to taste the wine in a restaurant has managed to bullshit his way through it with great success.

A LONDONER is desperately attempting to believe that thieves on mopeds stealing your phone were what he moved to the capital for.

THE only way to be charming and self-assured is to be a little bit drunk the whole time, it has been confirmed.

A VOTER who thought a policy in Labour’s manifesto sounded ‘attractive’ is slapping his own face repeatedly and telling himself to ‘wake up’.

PEOPLE only use food banks so they can spend their benefits on fags and booze, according to a man who has imagined the problem thoroughly.