Society

AN INSUFFERABLE twat who argues the toss about every minor thing regularly gets 15 per cent off in shops, he has confirmed. 

A MAN has realised he was singing a sexually explicit song about extreme mental anguish while at work.

BOSSES have confessed that the deadlines they set for nightmare amounts of work are made up at random.

A CHRISTIAN couple have agreed to wait until they are united in holy matrimony before having a threesome.

EVERY single fancy beer just tastes like a different type of metal, it has been confirmed.

A HAIRCUT turned weird and awkward after a barber and a customer failed to have a discussion about football.

A MAN who was asked to taste the wine in a restaurant has managed to bullshit his way through it with great success.

A LONDONER is desperately attempting to believe that thieves on mopeds stealing your phone were what he moved to the capital for.

THE only way to be charming and self-assured is to be a little bit drunk the whole time, it has been confirmed.

A VOTER who thought a policy in Labour’s manifesto sounded ‘attractive’ is slapping his own face repeatedly and telling himself to ‘wake up’.