Society

MEN have agreed that marriage takes work, that it is a marathon not a sprint, and the toughest part is when the wife scrapes the car again.

A MAN is studying a menu and making inane comments in a bid to convince his fellow diners that he might ordering anything but a burger.

A COUPLE have asked their wedding guests to suggest songs for their party playlist, provided they are the kind of tracks they would have chosen anyway.

LIFE'S most important decisions are best ignored and put off until they become absolutely impossible to avoid, a study has confirmed.

IMMIGRATION to the UK will be cut to just two people who are acceptable to Britain’s racists and xenophobes, the government has announced.

A WOMAN is furious about the time she spent shaving her legs in preparation for a dreadful date with a twat, it has emerged.

A HUSBAND has been made an offer he could technically refuse but will not if he actually thinks about it.

A WOMAN has outlined her plans to really lose her shit with people when trying to get out of Primark this weekend.

A CHILDLESS couple are to spend a long weekend pretending they enjoy the company of their friends’ children.

A NIGHT of board gaming exposed to friends to how weird and, ultimately, how unpleasant they all actually are.