Society

A WOMAN is distraught after finding out her new partner is into wanky necklaces and bracelets, she has revealed.

IT IS no longer possible to buy a burger you can fit in your mouth, it has been confirmed.

SCHOOLCHILDREN have been ordered to get their uniforms on and stand against a door to be photographed.

A FATHER-OF-TWO is probably lying when he tells people having children is the best thing that has ever happened to him.

COMMUTERS attempting to use Waterloo station have been loaded into containers and shipped 4,200 miles away.  

TELLING friends you are nipping to the bar then getting a taxi home instead is the best part of going out, it has been confirmed.

A MAN'S plan for a 'Bank Holiday getaway' has been ruined after his wife and children decided to tag along.

A MILLENNIAL has been reduced to a state of panic after discovering he had a voicemail.

BRITONS know that physical activity is good for them but they absolutely cannot be arsed, they have confirmed.

A MAN has become good friends with a female colleague who also happens to be very attractive.