Society

A WOMAN seems like an alcoholic after relating a mildly debauched anecdote to colleagues, she has realised.

A MAN who despises everything Theresa May stands for has found himself strangely worried about her wellbeing.

A LONDONER who helped a woman find her way to a hospital appointment is still reeling from the intense power of human interaction.

A COUPLE are at risk of starving to death after becoming tangled in an 'infinite non-decision loop' over what to have for dinner.

A WOMAN who asked fellow train passengers to 'move up a bit' has become the subject of intense, lifelong hatred by several complete strangers.

AN idiot has proclaimed his sunburn to be some sort of achievement.

A COUPLE enjoying a romantic stroll around the shops are taking up the entire fucking pavement, other pedestrians have confirmed.

MEN have decided that today is nice enough to be ruined by them exposing their horrible, gnarled, white legs to the world. 

A WOMAN has been horrified to realise that she has had sex with at least four Conservative voters.

A COUPLE disagreeing on which tinned tomatoes to buy are both wondering if the real problem lies elsewhere.