Society

NINETY percent of kebabs are significantly more regrettable than most drunken one night stands, researchers have have confirmed.

A MAN tinkling about on a public piano in a railway station is unaware he is getting on everyone’s tits.

LUXURY spa breaks are just a cover for a two days of drug-fuelled debauchery with hired escorts, women have admitted.

A COUPLE who believe looking after two cats makes them just the same as new parents have enjoyed another night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep.

A FATHER refers to women's breasts as ‘knockers’, it has emerged.

HOMELESSNESS is an exciting lifestyle choice and nothing to do with cutting benefits, the government has claimed.

A LIBERAL man is unable to discuss any writers, musicians or historical figures born before 1970 without mentioning that they were racist.

A MIDDLE-CLASS family has got some chickens as part of their ongoing commitment to showing off.

PLANS to increase pay in the public sector have prompted outraged Daily Mail readers to organise a demonstration in London.

WEATHER is no longer a safe topic for small talk in social situations, experts have confirmed.