Society

A MAN in his mid-thirties is enjoying his final day of flirting without it just being creepy.

PEOPLE lucky enough not to have children are now taking their significantly cheaper and quieter off-season breaks, they have confirmed. 

SOMEONE has brought a sodding dog into the office, according to numerous reports.

A MAN has taken formal ownership of his girlfriend by buying her an expensive bracelet.

A FORMER working class man has marked his move to the middle class by ordering sparkling water, not tap, in a restaurant.

A MAN has asked a woman to leave his bed after she started eating crackers in it.

PRINCE George has begun his school year by confirming he can do whatever he wants because he is basically the King.

A NORTHERN man is in shock after his friend's house was revealed to be not just nice for London but actually nice.

TWO laptop users have died in a brawl over the only remaining power source in a coffee shop.

MIGRANTS have reminded Britain that they do pretty much all the work.