Society

A MAN cannot understand how his girlfriend returns from a 'quick wee' with several phone numbers and someone's life story.

A VICTORIOUS Brexiter is still something of a loser in the overall sense, it has emerged.

A FATHER has been forced to confront the fact that putting decking in his garden was a mistake.

A WOMAN from Tower Hamlets has absolutely no idea how to get around Mayfair, it has emerged.

A WOMAN has flaunted her figure merely by existing.

A PAIR of friendly acquaintances are locked in stalemate over adding each other on Facebook, it has emerged.

LAUNCHING Trident missiles at Scotland is the most sensible way to end the row over independence, according to a Daily Express reader.

A TYPICAL night out in a Welsh town is the best way to prepare yourself for Armageddon, it has been confirmed.

DOOMSDAY cults have seen a huge rise in new memberships over the last six months, it has emerged.

A MIDDLE class man is too scared to ask for a croissant in a crowded café in case other middle class people make fun of his pronunciation.