Society

A MAN whose main activity is watching television is concerned that minorities are not taking an active role in British life, he has revealed.

AN OLD, white, powerful man is preparing to decide whether you have behaved in a fashion he deems appropriate.

BRITAIN’S Supreme Court justices have today begun an historic four day process of trying not to look bored shitless.

MILLIONS of perfectly normal Britons firmly believe they have some sort of ‘victim’ status, it has emerged.

A WEALTHY family leave their shit lying all around the pub whenever they visit.

FOUR out of five people would completely fail to heed the lesson in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, experts have confirmed.  

A TEENAGER has bought her 44-year-old aunt a CD of ‘wartime favourites’, it has emerged.

ABSOLUTELY no one is enjoying being in the pub today more than a local dog, it has emerged.

PEOPLE who sit in a ticketed seat on a busy train are rebellious heroes like Han Solo, it has been confirmed.

A MAN accidentally said 'she'd get it' while watching a television advert with his mother, it has been confirmed.