Society

AN AMATEUR genealogist has discovered that his surname derives from an ancestor’s habit of masturbating woodland animals.

A MAN who everyone thought would be happy about Brexit will not be satisfied until the rest of the EU is in ruins, it has emerged.

SOCIAL mobility in the UK is prevented by our utter loathing of anyone even slightly above or below us on the social ladder, a report has found.

A MEMBER of London’s fancy, stuck-up liberal elite is unable to afford his rent, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of Britons are feeling unconfident in their winter hats.

SITTING in a cafe with a notepad instead of a computer is the new twatty thing to do, it has been confirmed.

A WORKING class man has confirmed that he is not remotely full of hate.

SUCKER MCs and their lack of dope rhymes are responsible for the state of the world, it has emerged.

A COUPLE from London who insist they do not need a car have asked for a lift.

A 42-YEAR-OLD man thinks he had something to do with Britain’s historical military victories.