Society

AN 79-YEAR-OLD in Tesco’s reduced section will end you if you get between her and a 10p pack of sausage rolls, she has confirmed.

THE last remaining all-in-one adult garment in the UK has been blown to smithereens in front of a cheering crowd.

A GROUP of American tourists claims everything they have seen in Swindon is magical like the world of Harry Potter.

A MAN has let neighbours know he is not to be trifled with by giving his home internet a needlessly aggressive name.

A SELF-EMPLOYED builder would face a significant tax increase if he didn’t always ask customers for cash.

AN AVERAGE family with two children has told the media to get its nose out of their personal finances.

DRIVERS of Jaguar cars can become distracted by thoughts of intense self-love, it has emerged.

THE government has told parents that if they really cared about their children's education they would found their own free school.

A MAN who spends a lot of time in a cool cafe is desperate to become friends with its staff, it has emerged.

A DOG has been dismayed to realise that he is being used as a way for an average-looking man to attract women, it has emerged.