Society

BRITAIN’S elderly will be cared for by their china dogs, milkmaids and ladies in fancy hats, the government has announced.

A LONDONER is desperate to hear more about the provinces after learning of ‘life forms beyond the M25’.

A MAN who feels immigration is negatively affecting his life cannot give a single concrete example of how, he has revealed.

A NEWLY adopted dog is realising he has been brought in to prevent a break-up.

A PAIR of deranged maniacs are going to take their children to a music festival while their friends stand back and let them.

FIRST-TIME parents have expressed their gratitude for the deluge of completely incompatible, hysterical advice.

A WOMAN who keeps voting for Conservative governments cannot understand why her local services are terrible.

A WOMAN has decided against having children because it is loads of hassle.

THE numbers of incredibly irritating people who are prepared to be 'chuggers' is dangerously low, charities have warned.

TEENAGE bastards playing music on a bus are fully aware that it is annoying everyone else, it has emerged.