Society

A MOTHER breastfeeding in a shop was politely asked to go and do it in a nearby skip instead.

THOUSANDS of migrants from the Calais 'Jungle' camp have been relocated into the minds of paranoid Britons.

A MAN’S ludicrously expensive wristwatch has gained him the respect of other total bellends, he has revealed.

CHEESE which is weaker than ‘medium’ is an abomination, experts have confirmed.

SHORT men have confirmed plans to spend the day contemplating their small stature.

SHOTS do not count as a round of drinks, expert drinkers have agreed.

AN UNDERAGE boy has been served a pint of beer by his local pub after age recognition software confirmed that he was 44 years old.

A LONELY man believes he has picked up subtle sexual signals from a female colleague’s behaviour.

A VEGETARIAN has rejoiced at the one suitable meal offered on a restaurant menu.

A SELF-EMPLOYED man would love to be trapped in a soul-destroying salaried job, he has confirmed.