Society

A MAN has decided the US election result is sufficiently insane to justify calling his ex-girlfriend.

THE election of Donald Trump was inevitable and obvious, according to some smug, smart-arsed twat.

THERE is no ‘glass ceiling’ for utter cocks any more, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE are hoping for a clear sign that they are in a dream such as being able to fly or copping off with a celebrity, they have revealed.

THE US election has been put into perspective by Britons reeling from a life-changing alteration to Toblerone bars.

EVERYTHING is now gentrification, including attempts to stop gentrification.

A 54-YEAR-OLD man has been in a bit of a mood for the past 20 years, his family has noticed.

A MAN without a trendy oak panelling front door is a dangerous non-conformist, neighbours believe.

BRITAIN’S enthusiasm for firework displays is really about avoiding extortionate heating bills, it has been confirmed.

UKIP has called for the abolition of openly gay fencing.