Society

AN OFFICE worker has confirmed plans to repeatedly tell workmates to take off their masks because it is no longer Halloween.

A MAN who bumped into an old university friend has discovered that he is now a total dickhead.

A MIDDLE class family is celebrating Halloween in a way that is respectful to witches and does not involve sweets.

A TEACHER unsure if he can manage an eighth straight night of drinking acknowledged that half-term gives him little choice.

A HOMELESS man who is usually upbeat seems a bit down today and no one’s quite sure why.

FANATICAL Brexit supporters are hard-pressed to think of any group in society they do not hate, they have admitted.

A MOTHER breastfeeding in a shop was politely asked to go and do it in a nearby skip instead.

THOUSANDS of migrants from the Calais 'Jungle' camp have been relocated into the minds of paranoid Britons.

A MAN’S ludicrously expensive wristwatch has gained him the respect of other total bellends, he has revealed.

CHEESE which is weaker than ‘medium’ is an abomination, experts have confirmed.