Society

AN elderly man has confirmed he will be silently judging everyone who is using a smartphone on the train when they should be looking at the lovely scenery.

AN INSUFFERABLE London-based interface designer claims to have surfed into his workplace from his Hertfordshire home.

THE people buying and eating dairy-free cheese need to give it up, it has been confirmed.

FRIENDS of a middle-class mother of two are concerned at her increasingly extreme pro-John Lewis views.

IDIOTS on Facebook are beginning to realise that memories are not only made by happy occasions but painful and humiliating ones.

THE government is keeping cannabis illegal to send a message that you can pick and choose which laws to obey, it has confirmed.

A PAIR of middle class grandparents have confirmed that names like 'granny' and 'grandad' are too boring for people as unique and special as them.

A MAN who supports grammar schools and other forms of competition in life is unaware he would fail spectacularly under those arrangements.

A MAN who claims to love traditional British values cannot explain what they are in any detail.

A MOTHER-OF-TWO incorrectly believes she was a really fun and exciting person before having children.