Society

AN UNEMPLOYED ex-BHS worker has been told by his wife that the batteries for his radio controlled yacht are too expensive.

A MAN is recovering from the realisation that he is no better even if he tries really hard.

AN OFFICE colleague is ready to go and get hammered at literally a second’s notice, his co-workers have confirmed.

AN 18-YEAR-OLD from Wigan who prefers reading books to fighting has discovered a wonderful land of soft Southerners who enjoy similarly effeminate pursuits.

THE government is to bring back the term ‘riff-raff’, which will be used to describe the sort of children not welcome at new grammar schools.

A MAN on a crowded train has actually bought a ticket for the bag on the seat next to him.

A DEADBEAT uncle mistakenly believes he is a cool uncle, it has emerged.

A ROW over school uniforms has delighted a wide range of idiots across the UK.

BRITONS do not need to go to a nightclub to take drugs, it has been confirmed.

A WOMAN has decided to stop trying to achieve anything after discovering she is older than Beyonce.