Society

A COUPLE are having a baby to avoid disappointing the rest of society, they have announced.

SOUTHERN Rail has greeted commuters returning from the Christmas break with a menacing cackle.

WORKERS have woken from vivid, awful nightmares about offices to find it is all real.

ONLY two things this year could properly be classed as ‘good’, it has been confirmed.

EXPERTS have confirmed that waiting until after the Queen’s Speech to open presents is total bullshit.

A MAN has unwittingly laid the groundwork for a disastrous Christmas lunch by forgetting to say that his girlfriend is vegan.

SOME bollocks about bin collections, it has been confirmed.

A GROUP of teenagers has managed to turn a 25-minute rail journey into a tiresome drama starring themselves, it has emerged.

A FATHER-OF-TWO is psyching himself up to assist with the cooking on Christmas Day.

A MAN has explained to family and friends that he does not want a lot for Christmas, and leaving the EU is all he needs.