Society

BRITISH Christmas trees have said they cannot face being in living rooms after such a hellish year.

YOUR life is already in serious trouble if you have a National Lottery account regardless of whether it gets hacked, experts believe.

A CAFE has started playing Fairport Convention to encourage trendy young professionals to go away.

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is outraged that his mother has not bought him an advent calendar for the first year ever.

FOR the first time in recorded history, the excuse of not having received a text message has proved to be genuine.

PRIMARY school teachers have settled old scores by making the annoying ones be innkeepers.

BRITAIN is eagerly waiting for whatever the fuck it bought yesterday to arrive. 

A 23-YEAR-OLD has finally become a man after having his first multi-day hangover.

A MAN will not ‘take any shit’ from people and organisations that do not appear to bear him any ill will, it has emerged.

POLICE are searching for whoever puts things like half a sausage back into the fridge.