Society

THE wisdom and insight that comes with a hangover is to be taught as part of philosophy courses.

BRITAIN is to get hammered as usual tonight but for bad reasons, not celebratory, end-of-the-week ones.

EARLY shoppers have already bought all the cold, impersonal gifts which they will hand to the humans they are obliged to exchange them with.

A WOMAN who survived four years with a knobhead has given hope to humanity.

A MAN has decided the US election result is sufficiently insane to justify calling his ex-girlfriend.

THE election of Donald Trump was inevitable and obvious, according to some smug, smart-arsed twat.

THERE is no ‘glass ceiling’ for utter cocks any more, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE are hoping for a clear sign that they are in a dream such as being able to fly or copping off with a celebrity, they have revealed.

THE US election has been put into perspective by Britons reeling from a life-changing alteration to Toblerone bars.

EVERYTHING is now gentrification, including attempts to stop gentrification.