Society

A MIDDLE class family is celebrating Halloween in a way that is respectful to witches and does not involve sweets.

A TEACHER unsure if he can manage an eighth straight night of drinking acknowledged that half-term gives him little choice.

A HOMELESS man who is usually upbeat seems a bit down today and no one’s quite sure why.

FANATICAL Brexit supporters are hard-pressed to think of any group in society they do not hate, they have admitted.

A MOTHER breastfeeding in a shop was politely asked to go and do it in a nearby skip instead.

THOUSANDS of migrants from the Calais 'Jungle' camp have been relocated into the minds of paranoid Britons.

A MAN’S ludicrously expensive wristwatch has gained him the respect of other total bellends, he has revealed.

CHEESE which is weaker than ‘medium’ is an abomination, experts have confirmed.

SHORT men have confirmed plans to spend the day contemplating their small stature.

SHOTS do not count as a round of drinks, expert drinkers have agreed.