Society

THERE is no ‘glass ceiling’ for utter cocks any more, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE are hoping for a clear sign that they are in a dream such as being able to fly or copping off with a celebrity, they have revealed.

THE US election has been put into perspective by Britons reeling from a life-changing alteration to Toblerone bars.

EVERYTHING is now gentrification, including attempts to stop gentrification.

A 54-YEAR-OLD man has been in a bit of a mood for the past 20 years, his family has noticed.

A MAN without a trendy oak panelling front door is a dangerous non-conformist, neighbours believe.

BRITAIN’S enthusiasm for firework displays is really about avoiding extortionate heating bills, it has been confirmed.

UKIP has called for the abolition of openly gay fencing.

HOLDING reasonable, considered political opinions is now only for total shithead idiots who should shut the fuck up forever.

THE Danish art of liking pleasant things is a load of fyckinge wynk, it has been confirmed.