Society

AN INDIAN takeaway includes a small white plastic bag of hideous-looking chopped vegetables for some unknown reason.

A WOMAN in her early thirties has no idea if 'millennial' is the right bullshit label for her.

‘HAVING a quiet night in’ is as mind-numbingly dull as it sounds once you reach 40, experts have confirmed.

A WOMAN spent 20 minutes staring at breakfast cereal in a supermarket to avoid making small talk with a neighbour she does not really know very well.

AN AMATEUR genealogist has discovered that his surname derives from an ancestor’s habit of masturbating woodland animals.

A MAN who everyone thought would be happy about Brexit will not be satisfied until the rest of the EU is in ruins, it has emerged.

SOCIAL mobility in the UK is prevented by our utter loathing of anyone even slightly above or below us on the social ladder, a report has found.

A MEMBER of London’s fancy, stuck-up liberal elite is unable to afford his rent, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of Britons are feeling unconfident in their winter hats.

SITTING in a cafe with a notepad instead of a computer is the new twatty thing to do, it has been confirmed.