Society

A MAN  has managed to share so little of himself that all relatives know is that he likes chutney.

A MORON has hailed 2016 as the year in which everything looked rosy for the future and things went just great overall.

PEOPLE whose Christmas break has already begun are having a massive orgy today while you are at work.

A WOMAN would really like to drink something that has not been heated up and had loads of spices and other shit put in it.

A MAN has insisted the ankle he sprained last month be listed alongside Prince’s death, Brexit and Trump when discussing the awfulness of 2016.

A NEW gospel suggests that Jesus’s birth was visited by a fourth wise man who gave him a Lynx Africa gift set.

A CAT has vowed to destroy the six-foot Christmas tree currently in her living room.

AN 81-YEAR-OLD white man is confused about why he isn’t running the world.

CHRISTMAS is providing excellent ‘camouflage’ for people who are shitfaced all year round, they have revealed.

A BOSS has invited workers over for Christmas drinks and to see how impressively large his house is.