Society

A DICKHEAD does not understand why women keep dumping him.

A MAN who wasted half an hour looking at wine eventually chose the bottle with the nicest label, he has confirmed.

ANYONE coming to the UK will need to demonstrate a respectable 'backswagger' and 'caper', say MPs.

A MIDDLE CLASS family have been spotted relaxing in front of their house, in a clear breach of social convention.

IRRESPONSIBLE Britons are running up huge debts to live in buildings and buy food.

A COUPLE have completely filled their flat with nauseating framed pictures of themselves being in love.

YOUR kids are not in fucking school because of some teacher training bullshit, it has emerged. 

A COUPLE are having a baby to avoid disappointing the rest of society, they have announced.

SOUTHERN Rail has greeted commuters returning from the Christmas break with a menacing cackle.

WORKERS have woken from vivid, awful nightmares about offices to find it is all real.