Society

A MAN will not stop telling people about his plans to do un-Christmassy things over Christmas.

PARENTS feel they must prove their concern for their children’s futures by talking about it endlessly, it has emerged.

A COUNTRY which has not the faintest idea where it is going is this week focusing on trousers and handbags owned by politicians.

AN EX-COUPLE feel blessed to still have an incredible pretend friendship.

BRITONS are delivering Christmas cards with maximum stealth to avoid interacting with relatives and neighbours.

BRITAIN’S fathers have begun training for the absurdly competitive Christmas Day game of Trivial Pursuit.

MIDDLE class children are asking for large, brightly coloured plastic toys for Christmas that will ruin their parent’s tasteful lifestyle.

A WOMAN who broke up with her boyfriend has been left heartbroken by the loss of his Netflix account.

A COUPLE are planning to spend tonight investigating whether it is possible to get seriously drunk on Baileys alone.

OFFICE workers across Britain have confirmed that absolutely nothing of consequence will be done next week.