Society

A FATHER-OF-TWO is psyching himself up to assist with the cooking on Christmas Day.

A MAN has explained to family and friends that he does not want a lot for Christmas, and leaving the EU is all he needs.

A MAN has spent several hundred pounds on weird food that he would never consider buying during the rest of the year.

BRITAIN’S relatives are preparing a range of strange and annoying behaviours for their Christmas visits, they have revealed.

A WOMAN hopes her Facebook post about how populism is bad gets loads of likes.

A MAN  has managed to share so little of himself that all relatives know is that he likes chutney.

A MORON has hailed 2016 as the year in which everything looked rosy for the future and things went just great overall.

PEOPLE whose Christmas break has already begun are having a massive orgy today while you are at work.

A WOMAN would really like to drink something that has not been heated up and had loads of spices and other shit put in it.

A MAN has insisted the ankle he sprained last month be listed alongside Prince’s death, Brexit and Trump when discussing the awfulness of 2016.