Society

LIFE'S most important decisions are best ignored and put off until they become absolutely impossible to avoid, a study has confirmed.

IMMIGRATION to the UK will be cut to just two people who are acceptable to Britain’s racists and xenophobes, the government has announced.

A WOMAN is furious about the time she spent shaving her legs in preparation for a dreadful date with a twat, it has emerged.

A HUSBAND has been made an offer he could technically refuse but will not if he actually thinks about it.

A WOMAN has outlined her plans to really lose her shit with people when trying to get out of Primark this weekend.

A CHILDLESS couple are to spend a long weekend pretending they enjoy the company of their friends’ children.

A NIGHT of board gaming exposed to friends to how weird and, ultimately, how unpleasant they all actually are.

THE seven-year-old son of a mummy blogger has discovered the thousands of words written about him and is wondering if it is his fault.

REGULARS at a pub that values community spirit above all beat the shit out of each other most nights, they have confirmed.

A KEEN role-player is beginning to wonder if there is a connection between his romantic failures and his interest in Dungeons & Dragons.