Society

A COUPLE are at risk of starving to death after becoming tangled in an 'infinite non-decision loop' over what to have for dinner.

A WOMAN who asked fellow train passengers to 'move up a bit' has become the subject of intense, lifelong hatred by several complete strangers.

AN idiot has proclaimed his sunburn to be some sort of achievement.

A COUPLE enjoying a romantic stroll around the shops are taking up the entire fucking pavement, other pedestrians have confirmed.

MEN have decided that today is nice enough to be ruined by them exposing their horrible, gnarled, white legs to the world. 

A WOMAN has been horrified to realise that she has had sex with at least four Conservative voters.

A COUPLE disagreeing on which tinned tomatoes to buy are both wondering if the real problem lies elsewhere.

AN ARSEHOLE has claimed that every terrorist attack of the last 20 years was a 'false flag' perpetrated by the government.

1. It, obviously, has the best bands. Sorry Glasgow and wherever else bands come from.  

THERESA May has confirmed the army will increasingly ‘stand in’ for the police while reassuring Britain that it is 'totally fine'.