Society

LONDON residents have told extremists that they have far more pressing things to worry about.

PEOPLE with a low alcohol tolerance have outlined the ways in which they plan to humiliate themselves over Christmas.

A MAN is toying with the idea of going to bed at half past two this afternoon.

YET another unpleasant chocolate from a £2 advent calendar has been ritually chewed and swallowed.

WORKERS have been told not to disclose their Secret Santa identity on pain of death.

A PECKHAM-BASED man has realised that the social transformation of the area is exemplified by him.

THE ELF on the shelf, who watches children to ensure they are being good for Santa, is also reporting what their parents get up to.

BRITONS are preparing for air strikes in Syria with a short, non-committal discussion at work.

A MAN who gave an insulting weight-based card to a tough coach driver is currently pinned against a wall.

IT IS too early to put up your Christmas tree, according to those who believe they can dictate what you do in the privacy of your own f**king house.