Society

SCHOOL staff shortages forced a PE teacher to pretend he’s read Jane Eyre, it has emerged.

PSYCHICS are still in existence despite the fact it is 2016.

MEN spend around 60 per cent of their lives daydreaming about managing their favourite football team with unlimited money to spend on players, it has emerged.

A MUM is using Facebook to ask questions that would be easily answered with an internet search.

A WOMAN’S otherwise convincing presentation has been undermined by the fading nightclub entry stamp on the back of her hand.

A FRIEND’S friend has revealed himself to be an unmitigated arsehole.

NORMAL people will be able to commandeer the lifestyle of a local hipster, it has been confirmed.

A MAN in an uncharacteristically buoyant mood is unable to tell his colleagues it is due to having scored two grams of cocaine for the weekend.

A MAN who has been waiting for his Argos purchase for more than 15 minutes is being arbitrarily detained in violation of his human rights, the UN has ruled.

INFLATION remains stable as long as you ignore all the things that have gone up enormously, experts have confirmed.